The Sommelier Strikes Back!

The capital is buzzing, Michelin stars abound, celebrity chefs ooze from every kitchen doorway, restaurants are edgy (apparently good) and I heard one prominent event organiser say he’s loving restaurants right now (not physically I understand). This is flowing across the country like a wave, chefs are coming out of the kitchen everywhere, making themselves seen, heard and read; dishes are born, signed and copy written. Every magazine is packed full of recipes, gourmet stories and celebrity chef interviews with the sort of questions that would put the late Smash Hits to shame: “When did you first eat? What’s your favourite vegetable? What do you keep under your hat?” Far from the retiring, anaemic-looking creatures of the seventies, chefs have spread their wings and are now proud creatures, bronzed from ingredient sourcing in tropical climes. With an eloquence born of coaching they charm their way through the sea of diners, clasping a hand here, sharing an anecdote there…

“But surely this is a good thing”, I hear you cry! (Maybe just my imagination). Yes, the food’s improved and I applaud the diversity, but there’s something evil afoot! Remember the proud maitre d’ who treated his guests as he would if they were at his own home, the chef de rang who’d studied for the same time as a surgeon to reach his station in life and the sommelier who had likely given up working on his father’s vineyard in some picturesque location for the pleasure of working in a glamorous hotel. They’ve all but gone! A few remain in small, privately owned locations, though in our larger hotels and function rooms it seems that it’s easier to create a sense of style by spending money on having a big name chef (some of them even work there) and using temporary service staff recruited from youth hostels (nothing wrong with youth, or hostels - I was once the former and I’ve stayed in the latter).

Why the venom? Last week I was asked to select wines for a dinner at a five star hotel and was given a wine list that I at first mistook for the conference and banqueting list: small range, big brands and high profit margins on all lines, the sort you get given by most venues before you beg them for a peek at the restaurant list. I asked to see the restaurant list but was told that this was the only one and that they may not be able to provide the quantity of wine required by a party of 120 on many of the lines, adding I would have to get my order in early and they would see what they could do. In a moment of rashness I asked to speak to the sommelier to see if there was a way of oiling the cogs and giving our guests an experience that they couldn’t get from a wine-buying trip to a petrol station. I knew I was sunk the moment I had to explain that a sommelier was a wine waiter. I was told that they’d had a wine waiter until last year, though the management felt it wasn’t worth replacing him.

At that point I raised the white flag, looked through the list and chose something that would best please the accountants at the hotel’s head office. I felt it was a great shame as the hotel had once had a head sommelier and two sommeliers making recommendations from a range over five times the size of the current list, selling and serving fine wines with a level of theatre that the guests enjoyed. I had wrongly assumed then that we were part of the reason the hotel had five stars.

Francis Gimblett